Sand Castle
by Sithstrukk
Summary: When Qui-Gon returns to the Temple after Tahl's death, he spends the first few days living in his own alternate reality. Tahl caused his downfall, and only Tahl can repair it. But Tahl is dead.


**This was inspired by a story I learned on Sunday about a Saint (whose name escapes me at the moment). Not trying to push religion on anybody, so I don't think I'll explain it. Besides, when you read on to the second part you'll get the idea of the story. The beginning has nothing to do with it; that's purely Qui-Gon's realm. Speaking of Qui-Gon's realm… it is very sappy, very angsty, and very weird. Try to follow it. It's set once they return to the Temple.**

He wondered how Tahl could bear it. She was supposed to be gone, but she _had _to feel _something. _Surely, merely death didn't keep her from loving him. There was a way she could love him; there had to be a haven from death. It had to be in his heart.

In the first day without her he kept to his room, with those thoughts reeling through his mind. He remembered every memory he had of her; every laugh, argument and conversation. He wanted to make new memories, because he feared the old ones would fade away. All memories faded. He couldn't let that happen. He would need new ones; better ones. Ones they both had and would _never _forget because they were just that valuable.

Because they were now one, death couldn't separate them. Tahl was living.

At least, that's what he told himself as he stared down the barrel of reality. How he loathed reality. It tormented him like no physical torture could. Staring down the barrel of a blaster was hardly a good comparison; heartbreak caused more pain. Eternal pain was morphed by eternal yearning to become the strange little reality he had begun to live in. It was a place deep in his mind where Tahl had never been hurt. Only then did she live, but at least she was living.

Open eyed and in a state close to insanity, he went on like this for two days. Not a soul knew what was going on, but if they did they were sure to be disturbed. Qui-Gon had touched the dark side. That was as bad as they thought it could get. Their thoughts were wrong; because he was being drawn deeper into something just as tempting: a fantasy. He would be a madman. He had dreamt up a place to be happy, and soon he wouldn't be able to return from it.

Only once did he stop his thinking; the life where everything went fine. Tahl was alive and able to see. Even Xanatos was a Jedi Knight. Obi-Wan was the Padawan he had always wanted, and the galaxy was at peace. Only once did he stop, when his body begged for sleep.

_OOOOO_

Qui-Gon was walking along a beach. The lapping waves were about twenty yards away, and he walked parallel to the water. A short walk was all he needed to relax. A few breaths of salty sea air were all his tired body asked for. He truly needed the beach.

Farther down the beach he saw a figure running from a lump of sand to the green ocean and back. They carried something with them, which they kept plunging into the water. Once he drew nearer, he realized it was a woman carrying a bucket. The lump of sand was long the lines of a multi-tiered building. As a child he used to build in sand or grainy soil. The structures were similar to those. They were crude and beige, but they were still called castles.

He eventually paused right in front of the sand castle. It was directly in his path and built far enough away so that water would not get to it. He took a step back as the woman dashed towards the castle and dumped cold ocean water into a pit dug around it- a moat, as he recalled.

But the water kept soaking into the sand and leaking out, as Qui-Gon witnessed. This did not deter the person, whose head was ducked in determination as they barreled towards the ocean for another full bucket. A second time, they dumped water into the moat, and it all left just as soon as it came.

Qui-Gon didn't want the scenario to continue on forever, as it appeared to be doing.

"What you're trying to do is impossible," he said as the woman was just about to turn back towards the water.

The person lifted their head. Qui-Gon's eyes met familiar green and gold ones. "No, friend," Tahl said, "What _you're _trying to do is impossible."

_OOOOO_

**There you have it. Qui-Gon almost went mad for a brief amount of time, but a dream helped bring him back to the cruel world of reality. Now depression and other angsty stuff can set in, now that he won't return to La La Land. Get it? If so (or maybe even not so) please review!**


End file.
